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Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, so that there may be food in My house, and test Me now in this,” says the Lord of hosts, “if I will not open for you the windows of heaven and pour out for you a blessing until it overflows.
Malachi 3:10 NASB
If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
1 Corinthians 13:1 NASB
There have been some changes in me lately, can I tell you about them?
I had an experience that literally changed the course of my life and made me who I am today. Would you like to hear about it?
Let me start with how I thought at one time. I used to think God did not care about me but, I now feel much more settled about those feelings. There was a time when I thought God did not exist. I thought of myself as useless, unwanted, used and an abused individual, although, all these things had taken place throughout my life they were mostly due to influences. I was going through life wanting happiness, bending over backwards for others and while I filled their wants needs and desires mine were not being filled, which left me feeling used, abused, dirty and ashamed. After all these events took place I had to repent and surrender my life to God.
This is what it looks like when you surrender…
I turned to God and gave him everything and I stopped pursuing everything on my own. I told God I am yours use me, fill me, complete me and deliver me what you feel I deserve when you feel the timing is right, not what’s on my agenda. I gave God the steering wheel and allowed him to steer. I let go of everything, I thanked him for where I was. I enjoyed and loved what I had at the moment even if it wasn’t much, the most important thing was that I was able to focus on was my two children. I now see Jesus as my father that I can go to any time of the day or night. When I had this change happen to me I started to spend more time in His word. Since then I have learned that I can lean into him, versus others.
Something that I’m asking for these days is for God to show me how I can make an impact in others lives
I have endured countless things that have been thrown upon me. Including one particular day, the day I asked God a question. This particular question to GOD was on a blazing hot day in the greater Sacramento area of California! I was the ripe age of 43. At this time in my life I had been re-married for 6 years, although, I had two children from a prior marriage. My son had just turned 14 years old and my daughter was only 10 years old. During this time I was about fifteen pounds overweight only because there was no time to eat or cook meals at home.
At this time my spouse owned and operated a security business. We both had our private investigators licenses. I was working full-time for a technology company and re-enrolling in college and I owned and operated my own bakery business during the weekends. The vehicle I was driving (borrowing) at the time was a my spouses friends car, which was an old Ford Mustang the car was in great condition outside of needing a tune-up.
On August 16, 2011 I was driving this car from my work to pickup my son from football practice when the car started sputtering. I kept praying God, please get me to the high school. When I arrived at the high school, I pulled into a parking spot where it allowed me to pull forward into the parking spot in front of me, that way I didn’t need to worry about backing out of a space. As I sat in the Mustang sweating to death waiting for my son to finish football practice. I phoned my spouse to tell him what was going on with the car because, he was supposed to give the car a tune-up the weekend prior. When I called him I asked him why didn’t you do what you said you were going to do. I am basically stranded and afraid to drive the car further. He said, “I will take care of the car when you get home”. I said, I think I would have a better chance to have it taken care of if I run by and get the car looked at by a professional. I was so upset that I was put in this predicament in the first place. I was frustrated and emotional over the phone with him. Shortly after hanging up on him, I looked up into the sky around 6:00 pm and asked God can my life get any worse? Well, I will admit to you right now to my dismay the answer was yes! Yes, it’s going to get a lot worse!
Have you ever asked GOD in a prayer for an answer and expect or at least hope for the answer sooner rather than later? Well I can tell you mine was answered less than 24 hours later. My question to GOD took place around the 6:00 o’clock in the evening of August 16, 2011 and was answered the very next day around the 2:00 o’clock in the afternoon hour. Before I tell you what happened you will need you to understand why it happened. I hope you are ready for this crazy twisty kind of story. You will never know when your life will start over but, it does start over, it can start over, because your purpose is why you will restart. You need to try and keep a positive attitude, because today is a new day, all things are new in it! AMEN! So, it’s a fresh do over or start over! Every new day, is a fresh new start, because you can never say it is tomorrow, because in reality it is today. But, you can also choose to look and live your life in the rear view mirror, which means you won’t be moving forward. We must move forward in life, seeking and walking. We will not be running, because hastiness will cause havoc, I know that all too well too. My father had a nickname for me, he would say slow down ‘Hurricane’! Because, I would never do anything slow! Why follow directions? The answer is because you need a direction or a path to follow, if you have no direction, or you choose to not stay on the path your life may turn out like doorathee from Wizherd of Awhz , Maybe that is why my life has been what it has been. Do you want to live with a mentality thought process of saying “I should of” or “could of” which is pure misery. If I would have finished my college education. If only I would have listened to my parents. Your parents are telling you this because of their life experiences trying to save you the time, because you will make many mistakes, these mistakes will cause you to make u-turns, hit bumps and chuckholes, and all because you didn’t want to listen to their advice. Advise is knowledge from experience!
Winging it..by GRACE. This is how I feel sometimes. I try to follow a plan. I try to be organized. I try to accomplish things every day. But at the end of most days, I feel like I struggled. Like I didn’t do anything that I wanted to. Like I failed. Like I am just WINGING IT… but then I remember something. I am guided and have direction, by GRACE. There is method to my madness, by GRACE. No matter my struggles, I am actually winning, by GRACE. I made it through another day. I can do this…by GRACE.
So the time has come to venture into the world of blogging. Scary, thrilling and exciting all at once. Starting a blog is something I have always wanted to do. I love to write and I LOVE social media and the internet. I realize this doesn’t mean I’ll be any good at…
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When My Life’s Most Challenging Events Came
Over a course of time…I had been asked many times:
- how are you keeping it all together under the circumstances?
- how are you able to work?
- how are you staying positive?
- how are you living with it?
- how do you keep going about your daily life?
I thought I knew the reason why I was able to actually function through such a tragic event.
My thoughts about my desire to continue on with my daily life was multifaceted.
I thought it was because I was strong. I thought it was because I have children. I thought it was because, you are supposed to take the bull by the horns and
forge ahead. I thought it was because I am responsible, why would I let ______ drown me or should I say take control of me.
I have had multiple people in my life that loved to tear me down with their words. Why? I truly believe it was because, it made them feel better about themselves.
Their true character will leak out eventually
- An individuals true character can and will hide only for so long.
- The derogatory remarks start coming out of their mouths about you.
- Their belittling words start to leak out here and there.
- Their mannerisms start to come out too
- Their true character starts appearing like a leaky faucet.
- These individuals presents themselves to you like they are well put together but the inner presence (evil spirit) comes out here and there, anger, rage, control, Narcissistic behaviors.
They love to flatter you
- They love flattering you, how they have so much money, how they will buy you things then they boast about how they are successful, they are bragging all the time about what they have become.
They say hurtful things to you
- They start talking about your appearance, how you speak, talk with and to others.
- They tell you…you are not doing this right or that right.
The Game of Blame
- Then, when you try talking to them about what you are feeling and how you will never live up to their expectations, they start saying mean things, they make you feel like you are worth nothing, they blame you for their messiness, etc.
It’s over or is it?
- Then, you decide you are done, you want to leave then, but, they talk you out of it.
- They tell you, you are going to regret this, they beg and plea to you to stay, things go well for a bit, then the cycle starts again.
How many times are you going to repeat these events with (this particular type of person)? When is enough, enough? What can I do to remove my self from these elements?
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”Joshua 1.9 This is why I was able to survive and remain steadfast.
Better is a little with the fear of the Lord Than great treasure and turmoil with it.
Proverbs 15:16 NASB