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What Does Safe or Never Giving Up Look Like?

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Today, I come to you to share a resent experience that no parent wants to experience.

A couple of years ago, my son decided to move out with some ‘friends’.  I continued my mission of being a concerned parent.  I reached out to him by calling him and texting him. Eventually, those messages became void.  He didn’t respond that often if at all.  So, I would resend those same messages again.  Those messages were messages of love, concern and not condemnation.  Being human we want to judge, accuse and vent but, I choose to show unconditional love.  During this time I was in a relationship with a man that I planned to marry.  I honestly feel that my son thought he was being abandoned because, of all more poor choices that I had made in men. Eventually, I got married, we then combined households to where I was residing to complete the lease I was in.  So, the pressure on my son was on him and his belongings. Even, though I said you can live here with us, but, I have not seen you for months. Eventually, my son and his friends came to pickup his stuff. As time went on I reached out to my son, trying to make time for him each and every week.  Telling him let’s go out to eat, or do something you enjoy doing.  I wanted my son to know he is loved and he can come to me anytime and I will be there for him. I mentored my son weekly if not daily.

Eventually, the poor choices caught up with him.  He had tickets that he received when he was riding on his motorcycle, these tickets turned to unpaid tickets, court and work project that didn’t happened so it landed him in jail for a couple of days. During, his jail time, I asked God to grab a hold of my son and show him he is meant for more in life then the motorcycle club he was caught up in.  My son was released from jail and his father picked him up.  His father and step-mother went and saw him.

I never went to see him.  Why?  Because, I didn’t want to see him in jail.  I wanted him to feel the pain of someone not being present in their life.

We had lunch together a day or two later, where my son said to me, you don’t love me, if you did you would have come to see me in jail.  I said, I love you but, I don’t want to see you there in that predicament.  I felt I would be condoning his behavior, poor choices, by being there for him when it was too late.  Or was it too late?  I planned to go, then, I thought should I go see him?  I wanted him to have this time to repent, and think about things the direction he was headed.  I knew the time was not long lived (a couple of days). He shared with me that this was something he never wanted to experience again.  He shared many more things with me.

I continued my mission of being a parent that loved, cared for and I still was concerned for my son.  I continued to text and call him.  One week when I had to travel out of town for work.  I couldn’t sleep for two days.  I kept having bad dreams about my son.  Then, off topic my sister called me about health concerns for our mom.  So, I texted my son about this…didn’t hear from him for a few days.  Then, a phone call came in, where my son was on the other end asking for help.  He was trying to self medicate due to a tragedy that took place at the age of 13 years old.  My son was having withdrawals and having suicidal thoughts.  I prayed for him and asked where he was at the time, he said I am on my way to you.  I said, I can come get you.  He said he was okay to drive, so we talked for a while on the phone.  I continued praying that he would arrive safely to my doorstep and I prayed that he would follow through with getting help by heading to emergency when he arrived.  I met him in the front of the house.  He got out of the car and came and hugged me, cried, sobbed, shared his thoughts and his feelings.  My spouse drove us to emergency.

 

 

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Denial Time!

No Longer In Denial

Realize You Are Not God!

I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and that my life is unmanageable. Happy are those who know they are spiritually poor Matthew 5:3

Realize We Are Powerless

We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and our compulsive behaviors, that our lives had become unmanageable. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but, I cannot carry it out. Romans 7:18

We Must Admit Our Denial

We must first face and admit our denial. God tells us, ” You can’t heal a wound by saying it’s not there! Jeremiah 6:14. The acrostic for DENIAL spells out what can happen if we do not face our denial.

We Must Understand Our Emotions

By repressing our feelings we freeze our emotions. Understanding and feeling our feelings is freedom. They promise them freedom, while they themselves are slaves of destructive habits – for a man is a slave of anything that has conquered him. 2 Peter 2:19

Ohhh That Is Where Anxiety Comes From

A side effect off our denial is anxiety. Anxiety causes us to wast precious energy running from our past and worrying about and dreading the future. It is only in the present, today, where positive change can occur. He frees the prisoners…he lifts the burdens from those bent down beneath their loads. Psalm 146:7-8

Secrets Be Told

We are as sick as our secrets. We cannot grow until we are ready to step out of our denial into the truth. They cried to the Lord in their troubles, and He rescued them! He led them from their darkness and shadow of death and snapped their chains. Psalm 107:13-14

Let the Light Shine In The Darkness

God is light; in Him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with Him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the flight, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, His Son, purifies us from all sin 1 John 1:5-7

We Are Getting Away With It

Denial tells us we are getting away with it. We think no one knows – but they do. What is the answer? Stop lying to each other, tell the truth, for we are parts of each other and when we lie to each other we are hurting ourselves Ephesians 4:25

But, I Feel Protected

We have the false belief that denial protects us from our pain. In reality, denial allows our pain to fester and grow and turn into shame and guilt. God’s promise: I will give you back your health again and heal your wounds. Jeremiah 30:17 Step out of your denial! Step into your Higher Power’s – Jesus Christ’s unconditional love and grace!

What areas of your life do you have control over?
What areas of your life are out of control, unmanageable?
When you were a child, what coping skills did you use to get attention or to protect yourself?
In your family of origin, what was the family secret that everyone was trying to protect?
How do you handle pain and disappointment?
How can you begin to discuss your denial?
In what areas of your life are you now beginning to face reality and break the effects of denial?

F.E.A.R. = Fear stands for (False Evidence Appearing Real)

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Thus says the Lord , your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel, “I am the Lord your God, who teaches you to profit, Who leads you in the way you should go. Isaiah 48:17 NASB http://bible.com/100/isa.48.17.NASB

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He who believes in Him is not judged; he who does not believe has been judged already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. John 3:18 NASB http://bible.com/100/jhn.3.18.NASB

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalms 34:18 NASB http://bible.com/100/psa.34.18.NASB

All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.
Hebrews 12:11 NASB
http://bible.com/100/heb.12.11.NASB

Fight the good fight of faith; take hold of the eternal life to which you were called, and you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses.
1 Timothy 6:12 NASB
http://bible.com/100/1ti.6.12.NASB

Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity, show yourself an example of those who believe. 1 Timothy 4:12 NASB http://bible.com/100/1ti.4.12.NASB

“Truly, truly, I say to you, he who hears My word, and believes Him who sent Me, has eternal life, and does not come into judgment, but has passed out of death into life. John 5:24 NASB http://bible.com/100/jhn.5.24.NASB

“For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. John 3:16 NASB http://bible.com/100/jhn.3.16.NASB

for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, being justified as a gift by His grace through the redemption which is in Christ Jesus; Romans 3:23‭-‬24 NASB http://bible.com/100/rom.3.23-24.NASB

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